You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
