yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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