She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
