I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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