I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
