I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
