PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
