Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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