that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
