I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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