If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
false alarm. still invincible.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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