It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
porn star boner night. come get it.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
