I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Randomize
