I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
