sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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