i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
