i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
