if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
