I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
