Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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