My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
