She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
