The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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