brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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