nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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