i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
