Ambien. No doubt about it.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Randomize
