he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
