So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
not ubering you a puppy
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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