Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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