She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize