My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
