I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
it's like heaven, but drunker
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
