What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
