just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
What a fucking waste of an outfit
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
