I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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