The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
