i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
