every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
