Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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