WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm always down for nudity.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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