U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
