So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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