My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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