i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
