Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
