oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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