There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
