The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
