I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
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traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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