He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
