You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
