Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
