i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
