dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
