home. puking in laundry basket.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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