he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
