I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
