Your tits are I can't wait for
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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