Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
