can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
