so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
