god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
