I think i sorta joined a cult last night
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
