I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
