He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize