dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
