You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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