I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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