It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
