are you so shy because you have an std?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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