So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
