It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
