It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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