Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo