I only kidnapped one of them. chill
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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