She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there