it's like iHOP with fire
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?