btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.