at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
