You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
