ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
